


Conception

by calvinahobbes



Series: Parent!Phan [1]
Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Artificial Insemination, M/M, Pregnancy, Queer Families, Surrogacy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-22
Updated: 2019-04-22
Packaged: 2020-01-23 21:52:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,509
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18558592
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/calvinahobbes/pseuds/calvinahobbes
Summary: "Oh, god. Are we even ready for this?"





	Conception

Phil wakes when his phone rings loudly. He scrambles for it, but it goes quiet before he finds it. He's just putting on his glasses when there's a series of text chimes in quick succession. The messages go:

**Bry**  
_This is it, lads._

_Wake up._

_Lmk when you're in the taxi._

There's a photo as well.

"Dan!" he shouts, sitting up so quickly he thinks he pulls something in his lower back. "Dan!" he pats the shapeless lump of comforter next to him excitedly.

"What?" Dan mumbles, rolling out of reach and taking the comforter with him.

"We have to to go! We have to go right now!"

Dan finally sticks his head out, hair a royal a mess, forcing one eye open the tiniest bit. "Is it happening?" he croaks.

Phil nearly trips getting out of the bed. "She's probably already on her way there."

"Phil. Relax." Dan pushes the covers down further. "It's not happening without you, remember."

"What should I wear?" he says, picking up and discarding the various clothing items that are strewn around the room. 

Dan snorts quietly. "Pretty sure it's not going to matter." He gets up, circles the bed and puts his hands on Phil's shoulders. "Come on. Take a deep breath. We have plenty of time." Phil is still clutching his phone in his hand. He holds it up so Dan can see the photo. It's just a blurry shot of a white stick like a thermometer with a smiley face in the little grey window. Dan snorts again. "Honestly, that's kind of ominous." Phil nods, but his head is buzzing too much to really pay attention.

*

They text Bryony from the taxi, and she texts back immediately. Phil can only imagine how nervous she is, and they keep up a steady stream of messages back and forth in their three-person group chat all through the cab ride, through their short walk, through the doors, until they walk right into a tight, slightly bruising hug.

The staff at the clinic are all kind and brisk and businesslike, and it is doing nothing to soothe Phil's nerves. 

"First try?" the nurse at the reception desk says sympathetically, and Phil just has a horrible thought that what if there will be a tenth time or a twentieth time? What if there will be a final time, after which they know there will be no more tries, with nothing to show for any of them? "And which of our daddies will be the donor today?" she says and looks at them expectantly.

"Uh, me," Phil stutters, and before he knows it Dan is being shown to the waiting area, and Bryony is being led in another direction. He himself is swept away to a claustrophobically small, brightly lit room that has been helpfully supplied with a wide variety of pornographic magazines. He stares at the walls and wonders how on earth he is ever going to manage to get anywhere under these circumstances.

*

Afterwards when they are finally standing outside in the bright sunshine, staring at each other as if they're no longer sure they're the same people they were earlier this morning, Bryony finally heaves a great big sigh and says, "Virgin sangrias at my place?"

Her small garden is lush with flowers already, and it makes Phil finally begin to feel better, sitting in the warmth of the sun with a cool drink in his hand.

"What if it works?" he says.

"You might have to share your birthday," Bry replies with a shrug.

He hadn't thought about that! If anyone had asked him this morning he would have said that his birthday was ages away, but suddenly it feels too close.

"Oh, god. Are we even ready for this?" he turns frantically to Dan. "There's not even a house yet, there's... the gaming channel, everything's up in the air..."

"Phil." Dan puts a hand on his arm. "We agreed it was time to start the process. We're doing it because we don't really expect it to happen this fast. Remember? And if it does, we'll make it work. We already have everything we need to make this work."

Phil looks at Bryony who looks just as terrified. "What if we made a mistake?" she says. "What if I should have thought about this longer? Maybe I'm just a desperate single lady and I'm only doing this because I think I'll never be in a relationship ever again." She puts her face in her palms. "What if I meet someone and he says kids are a dealbreaker?"

Dan reaches his long arm across the table, taking her hand and squeezing gently. "Then you'll know he's an asshole and you need to run screaming." She gives him a wobbly smile, and Phil feels his heart burst with affection for the two of them.

Then another horrible thought strikes him. "What if we end up falling out? You always hear these horrible stories. What if Dan suddenly decides he wants to raise it Christian or vegan or something and you just can't allow it and you end up suing for full custody?"

"Yeah." Dan rolls his eyes. "Because I really believe in vegan babies. And being raised Christian worked out so well for my own mental health, I'm sure I'd want to inflict that kind of horror on our child." 

Phil stares at him. He's sure he must have heard Dan say it before, but he can't remember when, and it has never felt as real to him as it does in this moment. _Our child._ Dan's gaze softens, as if he knows exactly what Phil is thinking. Of course he knows exactly what Phil is thinking.

"I don't suppose there are ever any guarantees," Bryony muses, twirling her glass slowly. "But we've been friends this long, and we've talked about it for ages." She looks up at them. "We just have have to promise each other to keep talking." 

"Of course," Phil says immediately. It's his turn to reach out and clasp her hand briefly.

She gives a small laugh. "I'm going to be so mad at you if this works. I hope you're ready to be scolded a whole lot. These hormones are already kicking my arse."

"We are fully available for you to take any and all moods out on," Dan says easily.

Bryony looks at him, eyes suddenly watery, and then she's crying only to laugh half a second later. "Ugh! Stop being nice to me."

"Never," Phil promises, and they all laugh and settle in with their drinks to enjoy the sun and each other's company.

*

That night in bed he can't sleep for imagining it. He is fully aware that this is something he has wanted for the longest time, but there's an ache to it now. It feels both so close and so far out of reach. He is constantly switching between elation at the thought of a baby, and terror at the thought of all the things that could go wrong. But he keeps coming back to the same image in his head of Dan holding a tiny child in his arms, and he knows that that potential future is worth a lot of heartache to achieve. 

Beside him Dan stirs, sliding closer and wrapping his arms around Phil, as if he senses his sleepless state. "Mmm," he sighs, "you're gonna be a baby daddy." He kisses the nape of Phil's neck, brushing his hand over his stomach.

"And you," Phil murmurs, twining their fingers together and squeezing perhaps a little too hard.

"Not in the same way, though. I can't wait to see what she'll look like." Dan sounds like he's already drifting, his warm body lax and heavy behind Phil.

"Excuse you! It's going to be a boy. Sylvester, remember?"

Dan scoffs. "You're not actually serious? And I'm sorry, but Bryony and I agreed. We're going to have a girl."

Phil smiles and aches and clutches Dan's hand. But then his mind snags at Dan's earlier comment. "But eventually you, right? Cuz. I wanna see too."

Dan is quiet for a long time, and Phil strokes his thumb across their joint hands. "I'm still thinking about that. But you know I'm thinking. That's all I can promise."

He knows it's not the same for Dan, and he really does understand all his hesitations, but some primal part of him just wants to see Dan's features in a child's face, his energy and mannerisms filtered through a new lens. And he really wants some of Dan to remain in this world once the two of them have left it. He feels his throat go tight, but tries not to let on and just says, "I know."

Their lives might have changed today, in the most radical way it has ever changed yet. But Phil is going to close his eyes and drift away and try not to worry. Whatever future is waiting for them, he knows it's the right one, because they're building it together.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading my self-indulgent fluff. [Like/reblog on tumblr.](http://calvinahobbes.tumblr.com/post/184362754270)


End file.
